My Father died…For a while I feel very much like being on my own. Residency has come, now for a very lengthy year in General Surgery (not much to my liking, but alas, a prerequisite for Neurosurgery). In hindsight one year does not seem much, and at last I am starting my neurosurgical training. Have been waiting for this most of my life. Work, study and more work; time goes by. Pediatric Neurosurgery…fun to work with the kids…but it also brings into view many situations that make me think. I can’t believe that an all knowing, all caring and loving God could wish this type of things to happen to one of his/hers/its creatures. It does not seem fair.
Are not two sparrows sold for next to nothing? Yet not a single sparrow falls to the ground without your Fathers consent (Matthew 10:29) and a bit down the line You are worth more than an entire flock of sparrows (Matthew 10:31).
Well I guess the kids here don’t seem worth much to God. Hey! Looks like kids everywhere are not worth much:
He knows everything on land and in the sea. Not a leaf falls without His knowledge (Qur’an 6:59).
Must be around 5 by now, although looking back I have no idea why i remained so low on the spectrum. My residency comes to an end, at last I am officially a Neurosurgeon. The buck stops here…you are on your own now baby! Well looks like a fine time to take another leap…I get married – quite an auspicious day. My daughter is born! A happy day indeed! Are you an agnostic? a friend asks. The question hits me deep inside. I knew the meaning of the word, but had never stopped to ponder how much it could refer to my own person. I am an AGNOSTIC, there is a word for people like me. Next step…come clean or better said come out. I talk to my wife about my thoughts and beliefs. Whats more, on an official application, when the section on religion comes up I check the “no religion” box…guess that makes it official…I have now publicly become part of Irreligion. Well they did not have an Agnostic check box, but it is close enough. My son is born! Another extremely happy day in my life. Hawkins, Dawkins and Hitchens…what can I say? I have the need to read the Bible again. And I do it. But not wanting to get too lost in translation, I purchase the Tanakh (Tanach) Jewish Bible (1917 Jewish Publication Society Translation). You all know where that is leading to. Penn Jillette sums it up very well: … if you read the Bible or the Koran or the Torah cover-to-cover I believe you will emerge from that as an atheist. I am now passing the number 6 milestone, becoming a de facto atheist. Well why stop at that, having come to the point where one cannot know for certain if a deity exists and the the existence of such a deity is highly improbable and living my life accordingly it puts me at about a 6.9. Probably the closest my amygdala will allow me to get to 7. Or maybe, just maybe my frontal lobes don’t allow me to take a jump of faith. Yes you read correctly… a jump of faith. In Dawkins’ spectrum number 7 is a Strong Atheist. “I know there is no God, with the same conviction as Jung “knows” there is one”. Sounds a lot like faith to me. So as to not bore you with more rambling about how I got to this present state, let me say this: I cannot prove or disprove the existence of God or any deity, but the likelihood of one existing is very slim.Close to zero actually. If in fact one exists, then this deity is incompetent, vile and has absolutely no interest in our goings and comings. So, why should I or anybody care about such deity. The Atheist Bus slogan puts it into perspective:
“There’s probably no God. Now stop worrying and enjoy your life” http://flic.kr/p/5RctYg
Thank you for reading this far. See you next time.